Uansett

May 15th, 1839

Dear member of Parliament,
Lord Stanley Swobblydik

As you probably know, these last weeks we’ve had a visit from the Bulgarian circus troupe called Bagaslerk. This circus - as other circuses - brought giraffes, these long-necked devil horses from the depths of Bulgaria, formerly known as Hell.
As me and my firstborn son, little Jeremiah Ismael, went to this circus, he fell in love with the giraffe. I found this highly inappropriate and told him to back the fuck off. The giraffe did not respond. Later on I found out that Jeremiah had gone back to the devil horse and they had sexual relations. Can you do something for my son’s devilish, sick, immature and perverted mind? And please slaughter all the giraffes in England too!

Sincerely yours,
Earl of Loddington,
Swupert von Schoppelburgh